


and so it goes

by scepticallyopenminded



Series: 30 Day Lyrics Challenge - 2017 [15]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Anxiety, College Applications, Gen, High School, Other, Senior year, i sincerely don't know how to tag this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-16
Updated: 2017-12-16
Packaged: 2019-02-15 09:45:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13028415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scepticallyopenminded/pseuds/scepticallyopenminded
Summary: She doesn’t like it.And it’s more than just ”doesn’t like”, too.It’s too much for her to handle.





	and so it goes

**Author's Note:**

> Have a quick lil something about how much pressure Allison is under and how much she hates it _all_.
> 
> From The Used's The Bird and The Worm:
> 
> "All he knows/If he can't relieve it it grows/And so it goes/He crawls like a worm/A worm from the bird"

It’s _too much_.

The pressure from her family, the pressure from her pack, the pressure from everyone in her life. The pressure to be this almighty, wonderful, incredible human being with superhuman powers and to make decisions she _does not want to make_.

It’s driving Allison _crazy_.

Too much, all the time, too much too much too much it repeats itself over and over in her head, fuck, fuck, _fuck_.

“This is your _heritage_ ,” she remembers her mother saying to her before she’d killed herself.

And _fuck_ but where did her mom get off on thinking that _killing herself_ was better than being a werewolf?

There was once when Allison was deeply in love with a werewolf. To be honest, she’s not sure she ever would be _not_ in love with that same werewolf; the thing about the fact that you never really get over your first love, or whatever. Scott was her first love, and though she remains good friends with him, she isn’t sure if she’ll ever quite be _over_ him.

She’s slept with multiple weres; Scott, Isaac, Malia. Her pack was full of them and she loved each and every one of them in one way or another, and she knows one very, very important thing: weres aren’t inherently evil. They’re as multifaceted as humans are, have feelings and cared about people and are generally good.

The _fuck_ did her mom think that being a ‘wolf was worse than being _dead_?

And her dad – oh god, her dad – he’s _better_ about it and happily works with the pack when need be and even sometimes talks to Derek when it’s _not_ necessary. He’s definitely more on the side of: take out only evil. But there’s still _pressure_ , especially when she suggests that she wants to get out of the family business _for good_. She doesn’t know that she’ll ever be free of it all – especially not if she decides to stay with the pack, who are as much family to her as her dad, but she’s not sure she wants to stick with being a “hunter”. She doesn’t like the connotations, doesn’t like the flinch friendly werewolves from other packs give when she’s introduced as part of the Hale-McCall pack, doesn’t know if she wants that associated with her for the rest of her life.

Not that the pack is much better; the constant underlying pressure to get the fuck away from her heritage as fast as possible. Not that she doesn’t _agree_ , knows that maybe hunters were important and needed at one time but times are _changing_ , ‘wolves and packs have codes and morals and most of them don’t think of themselves as superior to humans anymore. Biting without consent happens still, but way less often than it used to, and it’s highly frowned upon by established packs.

But that doesn’t mean she likes the little glances the pack shares when she walks into a room with a knife in her pocket or the raised eyebrows she’s met with when she says her dad can help. The pack doesn’t _not_ trust her dad, but they certainly are and always _will be_ wary of him. Certain people – mainly Erica and Boyd, and she understands it, she _does_ even if it hurts to be reminded of how off the rails she went for a while there – they don’t quite trust _her_ either, not completely.

She doesn’t like it.

And it’s _more_ than just ”doesn’t like”, too.

It’s _too much_ for her to handle.

Not when she’s just _eighteen_. Just starting to apply for colleges and beyond _every-fucking-thing else_ has to wade through the waters of hearing everyone in her entire life tell her where she should be applying.

Her maternal grandmother – completely unaware of the supernatural – thinks the only schools that will ever be good enough for her include Ivy League. Allison is smart, top ten percent of her class, but she’s not fucking _Lydia_. She’s not even _Stiles_.

The pack want her close, and especially Scott, Malia, and Kira are vocal about _that_ , though even Derek mentions it once in a while.

“California has plenty of perfectly good schools,” he says to not just her, but everyone graduating this year, “Lots of places to consider.”

Even _Lydia_ , who everyone thought was _definitely_ going to Columbia or MIT or maybe Oxford until recently, is jittery about the possibility of her going somewhere far away. And Lydia is, and always will be, her best friend, supportive in all matters and gives the best damn advice, but she’s shoving applications in Allison’s face left and right; Berkeley, Stanford, UCLA. San Fran State. UC Riverside. San Diego State, Pepperdine even.

All of this, _on top of_ the supernatural shit that’s never ending in Beacon Hills – it’s so much.

So much, so much, _so much_.

She’s only human, and it all makes her want to fucking _scream_.

So much pressure, from all angles. Allison sometimes looks up to the night sky, and does just that; screams.

**Author's Note:**

> find me at [asocialfoxpaw](http://asocialfoxpaw.tumblr.com)


End file.
